she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
