I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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