i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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