so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
