I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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