Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had sex on a roof
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
