i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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