I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
