Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
