I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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