Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
