the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
