She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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