I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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