i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
