she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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