fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
