I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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