My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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