pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
