i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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