i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This house was built for laser tag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
