It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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