i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i think i just lost a toe
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
