He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
