I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
