peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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