i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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