i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
