I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
