I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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