This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
