i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
