Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
