I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
