I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize