Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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