yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
