Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
