my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
