Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
