Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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