Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
