the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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