I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
