when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
