I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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