As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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