He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
