I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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