my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This house was built for laser tag.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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