you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
this boner is exhausting
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
