im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
