What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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