you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
