We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
