my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize