His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
