I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
