Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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