he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
